A guide to good parenting
Although there is no exact science to good
parenting there are a few rules that you can apply to your parenting
style that will improve your relationship with your children and enable
them to grow up into the people you want them to be:
Make clear rules
Parents often have very different views about how they want to
discipline their children and what behaviour warrants punishment. To
overcome these issues, sit down with those that look after your child a
lot. Write down key rules that you would like your child to follow;
choose no more than 10. Together, you should then decide how you will
punish each rule that is broken. Teamwork is essential when it comes to
good discipline. Make sure you explain each rule to your child; you
could even make a rule board and put it up in your house.
Listen
Between making breakfast, cleaning the house and getting your kids to
brush their teeth it can be hard to find the time to listen. Try to
prioritise though. Will your kids be thankful that they had perfectly
neat and ironed clothes, or will they remember that time you sat down
and really listened to what they had to say? Children often live in
secretive worlds, so when they decide to share something, no matter how
insignificant it may seem to you, it can be a big deal to them. You
could try to get into a routine of asking your kids questions about
their day, their friends or a game they like playing.
Have fun
Although rules are important, your kids will respect you a lot more
if you spend time having fun with them too. Choose to do an activity
they enjoy – if they are young play an imaginary, creative game with
them. You could pretend to be pirates or jungle explorers and go on an
adventure around the house. If they are a little older do a one-on-one
activity with just them. You could go skating, have a pamper afternoon
or have an active day out. The activity you choose doesn’t have to be
expensive, it just has to interest them and be done on a regular basis
Trust
Trust is something that doesn’t come easily to most parents. We worry
that they won’t look to cross the road, that they might make the wrong
friends or that they will get into trouble. However, trust is essential
to make any relationship work and moreover it gives your kids the
freedom to explore and learn about life for themselves. It is likely
that at some point they will make mistakes, but they will also learn
from those mistakes. Plus, trust gives you something to bargain with.
They can have some freedom if they behave, and if they don’t then it’s
taken away.
Be firm
A lot of parents find it hard to discipline their child even though,
deep down, they know that the child needs to be punished. A horrible mix
of guilt and despair makes discipline a difficult issue. However, by
punishing them you are instilling good behaviour and strong morals.
Once you have decided what rules you would like your children to follow,
make sure that every time one of those key rules is broken there is a
consequence to their actions. It is essential to be firm and consistent.
Giving your child an explanation about why you have certain rules also
helps them understand your actions.
Get organised
Parenting is the biggest time squeeze. You get up earlier and earlier
and go to bed later and later, yet still there is no time left. The
only way you combat the time hoarder that is parenting is to get
organised. Get charts, alarms and bright pens. Instil a strong routine
and get your kids to do a few chores. Another way to massively cut down
on your chore time is to cook big batches of meals at once. You could
make large quantities of soups, chillies or stews and then freeze them.
They’re like cost-effective, healthy ready meals.
Show you care
Being a parent is hard work, but the rewards can be huge too. If you
find it difficult to find ways of showing your child that you care maybe
you could write them a little letter explaining why you think they’re
great. Or you could write down eight reasons why you love them and put
them on post-it notes. Hide these notes all over the house and ask your
child to hunt them down. Sometimes it can be easy to buy children gifts
when you want to let them know you love them, but emotional attention is
a much clearer, stronger message.
Stay calm
No-one in the world can wind you up more than your kids. They can
drive you wild and after very little sleep it can be easy to blow up
with anger. Showing you’re angry won’t help the situation though and
your child will also learn to be angry. To stay calm, first find out why
your child is acting up and address the causes of their behaviour. If
you are too angry to deal with the situation try to work out a technique
that calms you. You could leave the room, inhale deeply, visualise a
relaxing environment or just sip some water.
Don’t compare
Every family is different as every child is different. Don’t get
caught up in the competitive side of parenting for your child’s sake and
yours. A healthy amount of encouragement is good and can have a
positive impact upon your child’s development, but getting too pushy
will drive your children away, make them unhappy and may cause
resentment. If you want to give your kids drive then set some achievable
targets, let them have a say in what they do and give them a break.
Never blame them if they fail, but remind them they achieved something
by giving it a go.
Keep them active
If kids are inactive they will get restless, bored and frustrated.
In Britain, nearly 2.4 million children are overweight or obese. Your
child should be active for at least one hour a day. You can sign them up
for a team sport or a dance class, but a lot of kids don’t like
organised sport. Instead you could take them to a playground, play
active games outside with them or go swimming. You can buy them active
toys instead of computer games or DVDs, such as a bike or skates. Going
for walks is also an easy way to get your child up and active.
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